Loss and death is not an easy topic to discuss in the toxic positivity culture we find ourselves. But reality is, grief affects everyone in subtle and time stopping ways. If you’re like me, you might feel grief for a time but then “it’s time to move on”, right? Not so fast! Sitting with grief and asking “what is also true” can make space for gratitude to emerge within the losses.
I sat with my Anger long enough that she told me her name was Grief. C.S.Lewis
Learning from grief whether it’s the loss of a job, a dream or the death of a loved one is a painful journey. We humans like to avoid pain. Deny it even. Turns out that isn’t a helpful habit for our souls.
Grief is a tender teacher who will persist in her lessons. In the quote of C.S. Lewis I recognized my habit of angry reactivity revealed as a façade for grief. Ouch!
I realized I have a tool in my tool kit that applies here. Posing the question “What is also true?” puts me in the posture of curiosity rather than staying stuck in the unhelpful pattern of reacting in anger when I’ve been poked. I’m not saying anger is bad; anger is appropriate in the face of injustice. Anger has a valuable place. But anger doesn’t need to be my first emotion I access.
Getting curious gives space for quieter emotions to emerge like Sadness and Sorrow. What I am seeing as they come forth from deep within is they are companioned by Gratitude. Gratitude for the benefits and shaping memories; the fun and love that was expressed along the way. Without sitting with Grief, I would not have seen the goodness when Grief & Gratitude link arms.
I think this is healing in process.
I mentioned and described a graphic shared by Adam Grant. Here is what it looks like:
