If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last four years, it’s this: acting like an ostrich in the face of uncertainty doesn’t get rid of anxiety. I have learned some helpful practices and have talked about many of them in previous episodes. Today, we’ll look at developing calmness in your inner world.
I haven’t always reacted well when I’ve been told to calm down. In learning how to be less reactive, I’ve gained some knowledge and learned some practices along the way.
One of my teachers is Aundi Kolber. Her book Try Softer was released in January of 2020. Through a series of who follows whom on Instagram, I had learned of Aundi’s new book coming out so I ordered it early. She is an LPC (licensed professional counselor) and a woman of faith in Christ. Aundi writes from a place of humility sharing bits of her own trauma and tools she has gained in healing and in working with clients. Suffice it to say she knows her stuff.
I have spoken of her work in four previous episodes! Four! I can’t say enough good about her book and workbook.
Here are the links to the other episodes:
#63 Feeling Out of Sync (what does it look like to lead yourself well?)
#142 Which Way Now? (in which I shared my need to practice the tool I shared in #84 and again in today’s episode!)
For your edification, here is the N.I.C.E. practice:
N = Notice what you are experiencing in your body with the surprise change
I = Identify where in your body you are experiencing the reaction (tight jaw, tension in your neck, shoulders up to your ears, etc)
C = Count. Practice Box breathing or Square breathing. Inhale deeply and slowly for four counts. Hold that breath for four counts. Slowly exhale for four counts and hold your breath for four counts. Repeat for at least three cycles of breath.
E = Engage with the surprise change from a more calm, centered place after the first three letter steps.
Developing calmness comes with practice. Anxiety abounds but the opposite is calm. You can develop calmness and there are a variety of great teachers to learn from. I mentioned Aundi Kolber. I’ve also learned a lot from Dr. Hillary McBride through her book The Wisdom of Your Body. I’ve also learned a lot from Sheryl Paul through her book The Wisdom of Anxiety. Pretending I don’t have anxiety hasn’t helped. Being honest and risking authenticity and doing the practices has given me a greater sense of self-leadership rather than allowing circumstances to lead me. I hope you’ll check out at least one of these resources!
